It has been a year. A year since I left behind my home, my car, my family, my friends, and especially my comfort. I wanted to experience something different, not to return home after an exciting trip. Not to go back to the airport and my own bed. This time, after a month of traveling with my dear friend, I went to the airport to drop her off. And me? I took the metro back to the city. It was truly the most liberating but also the most frightening feeling ever. Fortunately, I focused on the former. Freedom… I was free to do and choose what I wanted.
And that’s exactly what I did. Slowly, I began to explore the country, understand the culture, make friends, and especially relearn how to do the simplest things. Many normal daily activities suddenly became a big challenge. To be honest, just stepping outside was sometimes a major challenge. Especially because people in South Korea are not always accustomed to seeing non-Korean looking people. Being stared at was something I dealt with every day and still occasionally experience. Understandable. We also look twice when we see something we are not familiar with. It’s an automatic reaction. Try to notice it when you walk down the street. There will surely be times when your gaze catches something and your body feels the need to look again. In the Netherlands, there is a great diversity in appearances, and staring because someone is brown or blonde rarely happens. It is decreasing here too, but not enough that I felt comfortable at the beginning of my adventure. Even something like grocery shopping or buying a SIM card was difficult at first. Firstly because I barely spoke the language, and also because, what exactly do you buy? When I walk into Albert Heijn, I can do my shopping with my eyes closed. The products, where they are, how much they cost… this was all a puzzle at first.
The beauty of this process was that I could throw all my ingrained habits over the fence and make choices in freedom once again. Especially regarding food. Since the beginning of my eating disorder, eating had been a loaded activity. Can I eat this? How much have I already eaten? Will I gain weight? Should I do it? Is there a lower-calorie alternative? These questions were replaced by more normal questions. How does this taste? What is the best way to prepare this? What doesn’t take too much time to cook? Where is the sandwich??? Haha, especially the last one was a huge puzzle at first, as rice is naturally the norm here. Yes, they can take the girl out of the Netherlands, but not the sandwich out of the girl. Fortunately, I found my sandwich, and thankfully, but also expectedly, life here is now much more comfortable.
But what now? I came here for 6 months, and now I’ve been here for a year. I’ve reached the point where I want to stay here permanently. This brings new challenges. Finding a stable job, getting a visa, building good relationships with people—these are now my steps to becoming a resident of this country. Once again, a challenging time. Especially uncertain, as it can take a long time. There are two things I constantly have to remind myself: ‘Be patient’ and ‘Don’t give up, San’. Sometimes I need to hear it from others as well. Fortunately, I have built beautiful friendships here and, of course, I still have my home front, which I speak to almost daily. They support me in my grand adventure, and I am incredibly grateful for that.
It remains a grand adventure, especially since this country sometimes still feels strange. Yet I feel that this is a good place to be. Yes, it’s still a feeling. There is never certainty, so sometimes I choose to go with my gut feeling. Or is it a kind of intuition? That’s certainly possible too. I can’t always distinguish between the two. In any case, it’s not a logically thought-out choice. It doesn’t have to be. The most beautiful things come from moments when we stop overthinking. What helps me a lot is the nature that is abundantly present here. Seoul is a very large and crowded city, but nature is everywhere. Mountains, parks, forests, rivers—it’s all here, and I enjoy it immensely. For a moment, I don’t have to think about the challenges that await me and can make decisions that are mostly about my happiness, not about creating certainties. Wherever you are, certainty is never guaranteed. But beautiful and memorable moments always stay with you!