Setting boundaries: a clear message that says, “this far and no further. If you cross this line, there will be consequences.” But setting boundaries doesn’t start there; it begins with something more fundamental: discovering where your boundaries lie. Recently, I realized how learning to recognize and respect my own boundaries influences so many other areas of my personal development.
Let’s start at the beginning. When we are born, we are masters at setting boundaries. We cry when we’re hungry, we scream to be held, and we cling tightly to people to feel safe. If our calls aren’t immediately answered, we raise the stakes. We know exactly what we want and do everything to make it clear. And if something doesn’t please us, we show it without hesitation. Without fear of what our caregivers think. But somewhere along the way, many of us lose this powerful trait. The older we get, the more often our needs are ignored. And the more that happens, the more we tend to keep our desires and boundaries to ourselves. With all the consequences that follow. Not only do we become more distant from our own needs, but we also slowly lose valuable skills, such as assertiveness and self-confidence. At the same time, we unconsciously develop habits that hinder us, such as people-pleasing, avoidance, or suppressing emotions.
Why Setting Boundaries Is Crucial
Think about it. Let’s take dating as an example—it feels in 2025 like one of the most frustrating topics if you’re single. You finally meet someone nice, and after countless attempts, you break through that endless dating phase. You have a good time together, certainly. You’re so happy that it finally worked out, and you do everything to hold on to it. To not lose it. In practice, this means that you keep adapting. For example, you adopt the other person’s lifestyle because you want to spend time together. If that means sacrificing something, you do it without hesitation. When that person says something you don’t like, you stay silent. In fact, it hurts, but you say nothing.
Slowly but surely, you deal with moments every day when you want to do or say something different, but you don’t want to jeopardize the relationship. It becomes a habit. Until you eventually lose yourself completely. You not only lose your own rhythm of life but also your freedom, your ambitions, and your peace—because you are constantly adapting. You become less independent and barely dare to speak out. You might also experience a lot of anger or sadness. All because you’re constantly suppressing what you truly want. You no longer pay attention to yourself and all the dreams and wishes you once had for your own life.
The Hidden Dangers of Ignoring Your Needs
This is a simple example. Of course, it goes much further. Think about people in romantic relationships who completely lose themselves by constantly accepting behavior that even harms their health. Or children who, out of fear of their parents, don’t dare to stand up for themselves and end up in situations that completely undermine their sense of safety.
Setting boundaries helps not only to avoid uncomfortable situations but also prevents major negative experiences in our lives. But it is incredibly difficult. As humans, we often have the tendency to hold on to company at any cost. When our parents, after the innocent childhood years, don’t teach us how to set boundaries in a healthy way, that responsibility ultimately falls on us.
By “learning” I mainly mean leading by example. That’s where it starts. It’s the best form of learning you can provide a child. Children are apes, so they primarily copy the behavior of their caregivers. They also carry the experiences from their childhood with them when it comes to setting boundaries in their adult life. Imagine: a child grows up in an environment where parents often shout. The child shouts back because that’s how mom and dad communicate. For the child, it’s a way to say, “I don’t like this.” But if the shouting continues and the child doesn’t get a response, other patterns form. Maybe the child gives up and internalizes the frustrations, causing the battle to take place within their own thoughts. Or they look for external ways to express the frustrations. This pattern can carry over into teenage years and adulthood, causing severe mental health problems.
The Road to Self-Discovery and Healthy Boundaries
I started my story with the idea that setting boundaries affects many aspects of our development. Here it comes: self-love, self-worth, self-confidence, communication skills—and the list goes on. All these principles are interconnected, but in my opinion, it starts with one fundamental point: knowing where your boundaries lie. What brings you positive experiences, and what doesn’t? That’s the process I’m currently in the middle of. In the next part, I’ll dive deeper into this… For now, thank you for reading.